It was eleven at night, but we were seventeen and still had some trouble in us. I was seeing a girl who lived five blocks away named Fiona, a luscious Irish lass with milky skin and thick red hair. She had a cute sister so I convinced my cousin Clay to head over there to see if I could hook up with Fiona while he hooked up with her sister.

Fiona lived in a beautiful stucco house with a screened in porch that featured a beautiful large dollhouse Fiona’s Dad had been working on for the entire last year. He built everything by hand, down to the little tiny furniture and windows.

There were nine kids in her family. Her mother was actually a former nun who fell in love with her father, known as Big Tommy, coming in at 6’ 5” and three hundred pounds, which made her leave the convent. I one rang Fiona to let her know we were on our way over. She met us on the steps. Clay waited on the porch while Fiona quitely led me upstairs to see if her sister was still awake.

As we tip toed down the hallway, she playfully yanked me into her room where we quickly started making out. She tore off my tshirt and I quickly took off her shirt and shorts. She laid down completly naked on the edge of the bed. I put her legs up by her shoulders. Just as I unzipped my jeans and slid myself inside her, the door opened. I thought it was Clay messing with us. The lights came on and it wasn’t Clay standing in the doorway but her Mom! She went to let out a scream but nothing came out but a low hiss. Forgetting I was all the way inside her daugher, I jumped back. My cock slid out of Fiona and slapped against my stomach. It sounded like a firecracker going off. I thought her mother was going to faint. She screamed again but this time a scream did come out.

“I’m so sorry,” I said as I bolted past her out into the hall and down the stairs just in time to  see the shadow of a giant grizzly bear barreling down on me. It was Big Tommy.

“What the fuck is going on,” he yelled!

I ran onto the porch and locked the door behind me. I looked around for Clay but didn’t see him.

“Clay! Where are you,” I yelled?

That’s when the doll house, Big Tommy’s pride and joy, the gift he was deligently hand-crafting for his children the entire last year… exploded into a thousand pieces.


Clay was hiding in it.

“What the fuck were you doing in the dollhouse,” I yelled?

“Somebody screamed. The front door was locked so I hid in the dollhouse.”

Big Tommy started ramming the door with his shoulder. I opened window, pushed out the screen and jumped into the bushes. Clay followed right behind. When somebody takes off in the middle of sentence and there is a Man-Bear trying to smash down a door to get at you, you don’t ask quesitons, you just start running. We ran as fast as we could back to Matt and Laurels. When we got a few blocks away, Clay looked over at me.

“Where’s you shirt,” he yelled while we sprinted?

“Back in Fiona’s room,” I panted, the adrenaline still pumping through my veins.

He looked down.

“Why’s your dick out?”

“I was hooking up with Fiona and her mom walked in. Her father tried to grab me in the hallway. He’s coming after me for sure We gotta be ready.”

We got home and went right into the kitchen. My Aunt and Uncle were out of town for the weekend so we had the apartment to ourselves. We grabbed a couple knives and slept on opposite ends of my front porch. The plan being when Big Tommy arrvied with a gun, one of us would jump him from behind. That’s when you know somebody has your back – literally – when they’ll sleep on a cold front porch with a knife in each hand waiting for the father of the girl you just got busted screwing, on his way over to murder you, with a coin flip of who he will shoot first, and that man still sticks around.

You call that man a brother.

Big Tommy never came. Fiona got grounded for a year and had to see a shrink. I felt awful. A few years later, her parents invited me over right after I graduated. I thought it was a set up. The Irish never forget. They lie in wait for revenge, whether it takes ten days or ten years, they’ll get you back. I walked in, two years since “the incident” and all her brothers and sisters snickered, well aware of what went down and why I was there. Big Tommy sat at the kitchen table shaprning a huge knife.

“Very fitting, sir.” I said trying to break the ice.

He turned and stared at me. I had to man up.

“I’m sorry I disrespected your home. It was really selfish. I hope you can forgive me,” I offered with as much dignity as I could muster amongst giggling grade schoolers and a former nun who saw my dick high-five my belly button.

He set down the knife, got up and shook my hand.

“All is forgiven. You’re a good kid. What’s done is done. It’s behind us.”

I hugged everybody, wished Fiona well and got the hell out of there before Big Tommy changed his mind and shanked me to death. I’m positive if his wife hadn’t been an ex-nun I would have died that night. Just one more Moment of Grace.